Networking events are held in hotel conference rooms that smell like carpet cleaner and broken dreams. Everyone is wearing a name tag and holding a drink they're using as a prop. Conversations follow a script: "So what do you do?" "Oh interesting, I have a friend who does something vaguely related." "We should connect on LinkedIn." You will connect on LinkedIn. You will never speak again. This is networking.
Every career advice article says your network is your net worth. This is terrifying if your network consists of three friends you've had since college, your dentist, and a guy named Mike from that conference in 2019 who you're still not sure was actually named Mike. The advice assumes you're the kind of person who "works a room." You are not. You are the kind of person who finds a corner and examines the appetizer table with forensic intensity.
Don't try to meet everyone. Try to meet one person. One real conversation is worth more than twenty exchanges of business cards. Find someone else who looks uncomfortable — there's always one — and bond over your shared desire to be literally anywhere else. Mutual suffering is the foundation of all great relationships.
You can network from your couch in your pajamas. Comment thoughtfully on posts in your industry. Share things that are actually useful instead of humble-bragging about your morning routine. Reply to people's questions with genuine help instead of "DM me for my free course." The bar for online networking is so low that basic human decency makes you stand out. You don't need to be charming. You need to be not annoying, which on the internet is basically superhuman.
Nobody remembers the person who gave a great elevator pitch. They remember the person who helped them solve a problem. Stopped trying to be interesting. Start trying to be helpful. Send someone an article they'd like. Make an introduction. Answer a question. The best networkers aren't the ones who collect contacts. They're the ones who become the person other people think of when they need something. You can do this without ever attending a single event with a cheese plate.
Here's the secret: almost nobody follows up. Everyone collects business cards and LinkedIn connections and then does absolutely nothing with them. If you send one email that says "Hey, I enjoyed our conversation about [specific thing], here's [relevant resource]," you're already in the top 5% of networkers. The bar is on the floor. Step over it gently.